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jjessi
Just Starting
Joined: 29 Oct 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Minnesota, USA
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 Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:14 pm Post subject: Russian men and emotions |
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So I've been dating this guy who was adopted from Russia when he was 15 & he is now 24. Though he has grew accustom to American ways I think his past still shaped how he goes about things.
He says he has a hard time saying "I love you" or any emotional sayings out loud & he's not one to give hugs unless I ask for one. It's like basically his attitude why do I have to state the obvious. Now is this normal among Russians to not show much obvious emotion? The hard thing is I'm all about expressing my emotions & showing one how much I care about them through everything! I have been as understanding as I possibly could & in fact trying to encourage him by asking how he's feeling & he's being doing alright but I'm just curious if this a cultural thing or just his personality? |
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Ender
WayToRussified
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 485
Location: Urals
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 5:19 am Post subject: Re: Russian men and emotions |
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| jjessi wrote: | So I've been dating this guy who was adopted from Russia when he was 15 & he is now 24. Though he has grew accustom to American ways I think his past still shaped how he goes about things.
He says he has a hard time saying "I love you" or any emotional sayings out loud & he's not one to give hugs unless I ask for one. |
Perhaps he simply hesitates to say this one or he is too serious about all these things... For some people phrase "I love you" means something more than "let's go to bed". "Yes I love you, I want marry you, I want children from you, I'll be with you until the end of time". IOW, "I love you"=marriage proposal.
| jjessi wrote: | | It's like basically his attitude why do I have to state the obvious. Now is this normal among Russians to not show much obvious emotion? The hard thing is I'm all about expressing my emotions & showing one how much I care about them through everything! I have been as understanding as I possibly could & in fact trying to encourage him by asking how he's feeling & he's being doing alright but I'm just curious if this a cultural thing or just his personality? |
In Russia people aren't used to loud expression of their feelings and emotions. Only when drunk or stressed.
Last edited by Ender on Thu Oct 30, 2008 7:25 am; edited 1 time in total |
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mr-barley
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 04 Dec 2004
Posts: 159
Location: somewhere in minnesota
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 7:13 am Post subject: |
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| Look into Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD. I have an adoptive son from Russia who has it. |
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european
Frequent Guest
Joined: 24 Oct 2007
Posts: 49
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european
Frequent Guest
Joined: 24 Oct 2007
Posts: 49
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:08 am Post subject: |
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| By the way, I noticed that Americans shake their head when they again say I love you. It looks almost as if they are crossing their fingers behind their back, but then a bit more open. To me saying I love you sounds too heavy and I never say this to my wife (I am dutch and she is russian), but I don't need to say it because she knows it. |
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Avis
Frequent Guest
Joined: 15 Oct 2008
Posts: 42
Location: Moscow, Russia
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 4:38 pm Post subject: Re: Russian men and emotions |
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| Ender wrote: |
In Russia people aren't used to loud expression of their feelings and emotions. Only when drunk or stressed. |
I cannot agree. It all depends.
Most of my friends are cheerfull and showing other emotions without any stress or alcohol 
As for the guy mentioned above, I think it's just his nature and not necessarily influenced by his origin. |
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Ender
WayToRussified
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 485
Location: Urals
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 6:17 pm Post subject: Re: Russian men and emotions |
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| Avis wrote: | | Ender wrote: |
In Russia people aren't used to loud expression of their feelings and emotions. Only when drunk or stressed. |
I cannot agree. It all depends.
Most of my friends are cheerfull and showing other emotions without any stress or alcohol
As for the guy mentioned above, I think it's just his nature and not necessarily influenced by his origin. |
Конечно depends. Выбегая из бани перед нырком в озеро, оповестить весь мир воплем как тебе хорошо - святое дело, даже если вокруг куча народу. Однако я сомневаюь что твои друзья будут кричать: "Мать моя женщина, как здесь красиво-а-а-а..." в Третьяковке. |
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krasatulya
VIP
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 590
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 6:44 am Post subject: |
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| My husband (Russian) and I (American) were actually talking about this today. He said that it was his opinion that Russians tend to be more reserved with their feelings. Even if they love you they may not say it all the time because a.) they might not feel it is necessary to constantly express a known feeling and b.) expressing something all the time diminishes its meaning, which i tend to agree. I think aside from constantly expressing our emotions, Americans also tend to say things without truly meaning them. |
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Avis
Frequent Guest
Joined: 15 Oct 2008
Posts: 42
Location: Moscow, Russia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:45 pm Post subject: Re: Russian men and emotions |
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| Ender wrote: |
Конечно depends. Выбегая из бани перед нырком в озеро, оповестить весь мир воплем как тебе хорошо - святое дело, даже если вокруг куча народу. Однако я сомневаюь что твои друзья будут кричать: "Мать моя женщина, как здесь красиво-а-а-а..." в Третьяковке. |
Не думаю, что это удачный пример )
Речь шла не о проявлениях явной невоспитанности, имхо.
А скорее о зажатости и неумении(нежелании) показывать свои настоящие эмоции и переживания. Об открытости и закрытости то бишь
Не надо уже поддерживать этот миф о мрачности и угрюмости русских.. Это же такой штамп! |
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Ender
WayToRussified
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 485
Location: Urals
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 6:26 pm Post subject: |
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Речь шла не об открытости или закрытости, а об точном выражении своих чувств. Ну не тянет меня обниматься на людях ни со своим лучшим другом ни с женой, хотя с первым меня многое связывает, а вторую я просто люблю. Не потому что это прилично или не прилично, не потому что меня обуревают эмоции а я вынужден сдерживаться (как раз по этому поводу я сам никогда не сдерживался - один раз например дал в табло брату, который бросил меня посереди Одессы, а сам уперся гулять), просто нет необходимости так прилюдно выражать свои чувства, не настолько уж они бурные чтобы кидаться в объятья друг другу на улице и объясняться в любви прилюдно. Ну и судя по тому что я вижу каждый день я не один такой.
А насчет мифа... вам не пофиг? Мне лично пофиг. |
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jjessi
Just Starting
Joined: 29 Oct 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Minnesota, USA
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 9:07 pm Post subject: Thank you |
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| I appreciate all the responses. I know it could be a mixture of both his background and just his personality. I know that he truly cares for me because he gets upset when I suggest he doesn't and asks why I think so negative and that's when I tell him I'm all about expressing oneself. I'm not complaining but it's just something I never dealt with before. |
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Ender
WayToRussified
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 485
Location: Urals
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 5:45 pm Post subject: Re: Thank you |
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| jjessi wrote: | | I appreciate all the responses. I know it could be a mixture of both his background and just his personality. I know that he truly cares for me because he gets upset when I suggest he doesn't and asks why I think so negative and that's when I tell him I'm all about expressing oneself. I'm not complaining but it's just something I never dealt with before. |
Anyway for Russian man is is normal (nothing wrong) to be constrained in expression of his feelings and emotions. If I remember correctly you aren't first girl here with same question. |
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Polyglot
Just Starting
Joined: 06 Jan 2009
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 2:30 am Post subject: Re: Russian men and emotions |
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[quote="Ender"] | jjessi wrote: |
In Russia people aren't used to loud expression of their feelings and emotions. Only when drunk or stressed. |
Херня полная. Во первых, русский народ не самый пьющий как думают в мире. Пьют алкаши, которых в каждой стране полно. Обычный русский человек пьет (выпывает) по праздникам и все. Заметьте и все!!! Сложившиеся о русском народе стереотипы, это всего лишь чье то навязанное мнение. Что касается о чувствах, то русские часто говорят о своих чувствах, любви и т.д. Я даже не знаю откуда у вас такая информация о русском человеке?  Мой вам совет - имейте свое мнение и не слушайте кого-попало... если вы уж сами никогда не были в России и не знаете о русских людях ничего! |
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love11
Just Starting
Joined: 25 Sep 2009
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 2:13 am Post subject: |
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| i have been dating a russian guy for the past 8 months and he is exactly as u have just described your boyfriend. it really annoys me and i hope he would change and i am starting to think that maybe i should give up on that.i dont understand if he says he loves me so much why would it be so hard to do things that would make me happy...like showing emotions and feelings...so if you figure out how to change his behaviour let me know.thanks |
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jo-jo-7
Just Starting
Joined: 16 Mar 2010
Posts: 0
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| Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:31 am Post subject: |
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| My fiancee is Russian. I am beginning to think that this is a part of Russian culture. You might cry, feel like you are going to pull your hair out, but you will catch a hint of some emotion when you least expect it and you will remember it. Tough love. |
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